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Healthcare Training Institute - Quality Education since 1979CE for Psychologist, Social Worker, Counselor, & MFT!!
Section
4 Potential Pathways to Higher Rates of Male Suicide
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As we discussed in the previous section, family relationships
are an essential part of how a boy forms his own identity. Dr.
Farrell, author of The Myth Of Male Power, believes that men commit
suicide in far greater numbers than women when they feel unloved, unneeded, or
that they are a burden on society. Men have spent their youth training to be achievers,
to be providers and protectors, and never learned the skills to deal with the
humiliation that comes with failure in any of these areas. Whereas women are often
encouraged to develop nurturing skills, taught to help each other through life's
traumas, men are rarely taught these skills.
♦ Technique: Exploring the "Imaginary Stranger" Relationship
As you know, sons
often don't know their fathers very well. However, what they do know about their
fathers is many times false. They see their fathers as hyper-independent, self-confident,
and emotion-free. In the therapy session with James, 35, a realtor, I found it
beneficial to refer to this relationship with his father as the "Imaginary
Stranger." James was on the in-patient unit because of his failed suicide
attempt. His wife woke up when she heard the car running in the garage.
James'
view of his father as an imaginary stranger is fostered by societal pressure.
Because James could not become close to his father and understand manhood, he
took cues from the media, his peers, and other outside forces. It seemed beneficial
to explain to James, "You receive what are called gender messages every day,
which show you that men and women are supposed to act and feel differently. These
gender messages are rigid, unrealistic, and unhealthy for you to develop into
a nurturing father. They are the cues that tells you you can't play with dolls,
you can't cry, and you can't submit to females."
Here's how I outlined for James Lynch's Four
Key Gender Differences. As I read through this list, think of your depressed male
client. Evaluate if any part of these four points would be beneficial in your
next session.
4
Key Gender Differences
♦ Gender Difference #1
Boys are held less often than girls, even though physical contact has been shown to be good for psychological development
in both sexes. Would this piece of information be beneficial in your next session
with you male client suffering from depression?
♦ Gender Difference #2
Adults tend
to handle boys more vigorously than girls, which teaches men to be "tough."
Would this second piece of information be beneficial in your next session?
♦ Gender Difference #3
Boys are more likely to spend time away from the home through
typical male chores and activities. This teaches boys that the domestic
space is reserved for females. It also emphasizes their dealings with things rather
than people. Would this third piece of information be beneficial in your next
session?
♦ Gender Difference #4
Boys' peer groups behave very differently from girls'
peer groups. In play, boys will focus more on the game itself and the
rules surrounding it, whereas girls tend to pay most attention to the people involved.
These differences in socialization are just some of the ways boys begin
to learn what masculinity, in society's terms, means. Would this piece of information
be beneficial in your next session?
♦ Three Effects of Anti-Femininity on Male Development
Because James, like
most males, had limited access to positive role models, like his father, he
formed an identity with negative information or in reality, information based
upon an "Imaginary Stranger," his father. Therefore, James looked at
females, like his mother, and decide this is what he should not be. He defined
masculinity as anti-femininity.
-- Effect # 1 - Anti-femininity caused James to avoid many potentially
healthy activities that he considered feminine, such as expressing emotions, taking
care of his body, and benefiting from close relationships.
-- Effect # 2 -
Anti-femininity also
caused him to devalue feminine qualities and females themselves.
-- Effect # 3 -
As you've probably
guessed, this attitude against what is feminine restricted James' ability to form
a well-rounded self-identity and have an intimate relationship.
As
this information unfolded in a succession of sessions, James asked, "What
does all this have to do with my depression?" How would you answer this question?
See what you think of my response.
I stated, "As a boy you gained your gender
identity based on gender socialization. Since you didn't know what it is to be
masculine, you avoided feminine characteristics and relied on such stereotypes
as male action heroes in the media. How can anyone compare with the military hero or the sports superstar? However, since you did not feel comfortable sharing your
feelings of inadequacy, you compensated by separating from your feelings and tried
to be the "real man" you imagined your father to be…The "Imaginary
Stranger."
Which male clients are you currently treating
who have gone through this process and are left in the aftermath of feeling helpless
and hopeless, which is the bedrock of their depression? I told James, "Men
feel hopeless because society demands the impossible of them. He is missing out
on the rewards of intimacy and emotional support.
♦ Five-Step
Process of Value Transformation
I found it beneficial
with James to use Julian Simon's five-step process of values transformation
-- Step # 1 - First, I had
James write down his most important aspects of his life, such as good health,
healthy children, long life, etc.
-- Step # 2 - Second,
I had James rate these aspects according to their importance, 1 being very important
and 5 being not important. This forced him to decide what came first, work, family,
exercise, and so on.
-- Step # 3 - Third, I asked James
if there was anything missing from his list, such as good health for his family,
etc.
-- Step # 4 - Fourth, I went through the list with
James to find contradictions. For example, health was at the top of his list,
and work was second. James was a workaholic and was not being honest with himself.
His drive to succeed was keeping him from being with his family, which was his
main source of happiness.
-- Step # 5 - In the fifth and
final step I helped James address the areas that are causing problems and find
simple solutions. For Alex, he was having trouble feeling overwhelmed at work
because his employer encourages competition between employees. The purpose of
this activity was to help James create a simple structure of personal intimacy
goals.
As I review the Five Steps, evaluate if they might be
of assistance in value transformation with your James:
#1. Important life aspects #2.
Rate these aspects #3. What's missing? #4. What's contradictory? #5.
What's causing a problem? The next section will discuss counterdependence
and how it relates to masculine depression.
Reviewed 2023
Peer-Reviewed Journal Article References:
Conner, K. R., Bohnert, A. S., McCarthy, J. F., Valenstein, M., Bossarte, R., Ignacio, R., Lu, N., & Ilgen, M. A. (2013). Mental disorder comorbidity and suicide among 2.96 million men receiving care in the veterans health administration health system. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 122(1), 256–263.
Granato, S. L., Smith, P. N., & Selwyn, C. N. (2015). Acquired capability and masculine gender norm adherence: Potential pathways to higher rates of male suicide. Psychology of Men & Masculinity, 16(3), 246–253.
Mackenzie, C. S., Visperas, A., Ogrodniczuk, J. S., Oliffe, J. L., & Nurmi, M. A. (2019). Age and sex differences in self-stigma and public stigma concerning depression and suicide in men. Stigma and Health, 4(2), 233–241.
Roy, P., Tremblay, G., & Duplessis-Brochu, É. (2018). Problematizing men's suicide, mental health, and well-being: 20 years of social work innovation in the province of Quebec, Canada. Crisis: The Journal of Crisis Intervention and Suicide Prevention, 39(2), 137–143.
Vannoy, S., Park, M., Maroney, M. R., Unützer, J., Apesoa-Varano, E. C., & Hinton, L. (2018). The perspective of older men with depression on suicide and its prevention in primary care: Implications for primary care engagement strategies. Crisis: The Journal of Crisis Intervention and Suicide Prevention, 39(5), 397–405.
QUESTION 4
What is a description of the Imaginary Stranger process defining a
son's relationship with his father? To select and enter your answer go to .
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